


to be by your side is a lovely way to burn

by imthefuckingsupreme



Series: to burn, to be enough, to be alive [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abusive James Reynolds, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Protect Maria Reynolds, eliza is just too pure, not smutty YET, the series will have a happy ending tho, their guards are Very Up, they Feel Things, they are GAY ofc they'll fall in love within a day, they are hurt ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:54:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28724697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthefuckingsupreme/pseuds/imthefuckingsupreme
Summary: Eliza sees a woman on a red dress trying to escape the thunderstorm, so she brings her to her house.(Hot cocoa insues)(A week or so after The Reynolds Pamphlet)
Relationships: Maria Reynolds/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Series: to burn, to be enough, to be alive [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105772
Comments: 18
Kudos: 25





	1. when miss maria reynolds walked into (her) life

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> i'm not new to the fandom but i just had to bring my contribution bc these two are SO under appreciated and i miss Them
> 
> this is going to be a series of three parts  
> 1\. to burn (angst-ish shit not much tho)  
> 2\. to be enough (healing shit)  
> 3\. to be alive (sappy fluffy shit)
> 
> i really hope you enjoy it!!

Eliza’s heart pounded harder and beat faster alongside every thunder that hit the ground, she squeezed her eyes shut at the never ending lightnings, and yet, was found sitting at her couch under the open window of her living room- a storm was just the ideal weather for that particular week- that was, if she wasn’t absolutely _terrified_ of it.

But, this time, Eliza felt the fresh, cold, watery air as the only way keep her calm when she felt like her soul was in flames, burning. God, she hoped he was burning too.

The street was dark, darker than the usual because of the thunderstorm, but even then, she couldn’t have missed the dark red spot running from house to house- Eliza had barely squinted her eyes to understand the figure as a woman knocking at every door, when she stood up on her feet and ran to her own front door as fast as she could, opening it with a yank and wincing at the strength of the wind.

“Miss!” Eliza shouted from her door, hoping to get the red dressed woman to listen to her. The rain was heavy and the sky had never been louder, Eliza could barely hear _herself_.

With sigh and a split-second decision, she lifted the hem of her dress just above her calves and ran like never before to her neighbor’s door, where the red (at the moment, more wine than red) dressed woman stood, waiting for any answer at all.

“Ma’am?” she shouted again, now close enough to be heard- the woman turned her head so quickly at anyone acknowledging her that Eliza worried for a whiplash. A short-lasting moment after having registered who had called her, the woman widened her eyes and gave an instinctive step back.

Eliza frowned with the reaction, but couldn’t give it any thought as another lightning split up the sky. “Come with me, it’s this one right in front” she pointed to her house at the other side of the street.

The brunette seemed awfully hesitant and, dared Eliza wonder, _scared_? But without sparing another second, she gently grabbed the woman’s wrist and before guiding them to her house, shouted “You can leave right after the storm is over if you wish to” which, apparently, did the trick since she was met with no resistance at all this time.

Once both women stepped inside the house, Eliza immediately closed the door and the living room window, then lighting up the fireplace and _then_ , finally, _really_ acknowledging her guest- who _wow_ ; could anyone actually be literally breathtaking or had she actually gotten a fever from all the hours spent in front of that open window and was, then, hallucinating?

Never in her whole 26 years of life had she ever seen someone so effortlessly _gorgeous_ like the woman standing in front of her, with the most beautiful chocolate eyes she had ever seen in a face that was undoubtedly sculpted by no one other than God and with those wild brown curls cascading down her shoulders that even wet were-

Oh God, the woman that was still completely soaked! Eliza quickly snapped out of her stupor and offered a smile to the brunette “My apologies for staring- I just don’t remember having seeing you around the neighborhood?” the other woman smiled shyly, almost apologetically and finally spoke “I’m from a poorest side of the city” she had the most unique voice Eliza had ever heard- it wasn’t husky enough to sound harsh and not silky enough to be tiring.

But whatever perfect mix of tones it had, she was sure she could dwell on it over and over onto her head, if it wasn’t for the visible shiver that passed through the red dress.

“Oh, here, you can undress from your garments” she guided the woman a bit closer to the fire “while I find you fresh clothes and a blanket” Eliza pointed upstairs, to where her bedroom was.

“You’re too kind, miss” the woman, now sounding small enough as a girl, chided in “you do not have to worry about it, I do not wish to intrude even more- only the fire should be more than enough”

Eliza surprisingly found herself a little disappointed with the woman’s strong wish to leave, she really could use a company other than her sisters and children- but she could feel the woman’s discomfort at being there and wouldn’t force her to stay.

“While you would be a welcomed addition to my day, I respect your wish to leave” as a response, the woman bowed her head thankfully for it “however, I do not wish to see you hypothermic, miss, so I’m bringing you the clothes and the blanket”

They didn’t know each other, but the woman had accepted there was no way out of it with Eliza and, with a defeated nod of head she smiled again; just as small, just as apologetic as before “I can’t thank you enough, miss” Eliza smiled, thankful for at least another hour of company.

“in all honesty, _I_ should be thanking you, miss…?” And there it was, the same look of fear and shame she had worn until minutes before, with a fearful step back, her beautiful, big eyes stared holes into the ground and she opened her mouth once before closing it again.

The woman, now again looking like a little girl, twisted the hem of her wet dress, released a shaky breath from her mouth and, locking eyes with Eliza, opened her mouth a second time:

“Reynolds, ma’am”

Her voice was small, loaded with shame, almost unheard- she opened her mouth a third time “ _Maria_ Reynolds”

“…Oh” was all Eliza could muster with her heart falling to her throat and thundering on her years.


	2. half dressed, apologetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter just dives into their little dynamic and how it starts to evolve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
> this one is a little bigger, hope it's not a problem  
> TW/// mentions of an abusive relationship!!

Through this entire time she had never once taken time to imagine what Maria Reynolds would actually look like, but she was sure however it was, her brain would have never been able to imagine anything like _that-_ she wondered if that was, too, how Alexander had reacted to seeing the woman, to seeing _Maria_ , for the first time. Eliza felt that oh-so-familiar pang of hurt and anger on her stomach with the thought of having the woman that destroyed her marriage inside her house, _again_.

“I should see my way out” Maria spoke in the same barely audible voice “I deeply appreciate what you have done for me, Mrs. Hamilton” there was a hesitant pause “I- I am horribly sorry and ashamed for what I have done, ma’am, you deserve much better”

Eliza only registered the words when she heard Maria twisting the doorknob “Don’t” no matter how hurt she was for the girl’s actions, she wouldn’t throw her at the raining streets again “You can stay, Maria. I will find you dry clothes” and, without looking at her, Eliza followed her own feet upstairs to look for a dress for her husband’s _mistress._ After taking a detour to the bathroom and splashing water over her face three times, she chose a simple pink dress, which was the closest think she could find since she had never owned anything as red or as vibrant as that dress.

Eliza realized that she hadn’t been worrying about Maria until now because _she_ hadn’t been the one who had done her any harm, _Alexander_ had- and as she had noticed, the woman sounded truly ashamed of her actions throughout the whole time they were together- that didn’t mean she actually _was_ , but still, she chose to give the woman the benefit of the doubt. With a deep breath she padded the stairs down to the living room, to find an almost naked Maria Reynolds finishing to undo a knot on her corset- it shouldn’t have been such a surprising scene since that was exactly what Eliza told her to do, and had not probably thought that through enough- because she found her air being stolen from her lungs at the vaguest sight of the woman yet again- she quickly avoided her eyes, not wanting to invade Maria’s privacy and lingered at the end of the stair a little, for a few more seconds , breathless, helpless.

When her erratic breathing became normal enough, Eliza softly cleared her throat, causing the other woman to whip her head as fast as she had done not long time ago that day “You should stop twisting your neck like this” she said with a small smile and handed the pink dress to Maria’s hesitant hands “this was the closest color I had to yours” Maria was visibly confused, which briefly reminded Eliza of a puppy, which, to her horror, softened her heart a little more for the woman, who took the dress offered and gasped softly at the sight of it “Mrs. Hamilton you really don’t have to do any of this” she tentatively looked at the taller woman, almost waiting to be berated “this dress is certainly expensive, I can’t accept it”

“Call me Eliza” was the first thing she answered “and I happen to think this dress would fit you well” when the shorter woman looked at her as lost as any child would look like, she felt the need to explain her actions “You weren’t the one married to me” she started, quivering a little, which caused Maria to shoot her a careful, worried look, but she smiled and kept going “and if I know something, _anything_ , of Alexander is his ability with words and how far he can go for his reputation- this wasn't fair to any of us” she gently shoved the dress to Maria one more time “Now put on some clothes, I was serious about hypothermia”

The curled hair woman- whose curls were starting to dry themselves- remained just as lost as she was with the host’s attitude, “I do hope you understand how grateful I am for your kindness, miss” she answered honestly, searching for Eliza’s beautiful coffee eyes and, surprisingly, finding them already on her “ _Eliza_ ” the taller woman corrected her, Maria nodded quickly, smiling a little for her mistake- for the first time, not with an ounce of fear- even if the shame was still hiding there “I am sorry, _Eliza_ ” they both knew she meant for more than just the name.

“It’s fine” she answered cautiously “even if it takes a while to get the hang of it”

Maria nodded, completely understanding - they stood in a not-completely-uncomfortable silence until she cleared her throat lightly, almost as soft as the air "I’m sorry to bother you, Eliza, but is there a place in which I can get changed?” Eliza’s first response was a soft and endearing smile that surprised even herself; Maria _definitely_ knew her way to the bathroom by now. And it’s not as if the woman hadn’t been wearing her under clothes for a good half hour.

“Up at the stairs and first door to your right” she answered nevertheless. Maria pretended to be memorizing the information and profusely thanked Eliza, leaving the late alone with her thoughts at the living room. When Maria successfully avoided the noisy loosen tiles on the floor Eliza confirmed her little theory and, despite feeling the deep urge to cry, she smiled a little- the woman was trying to make her feel not as terrible in very discrete ways with small actions, and that’s exactly what she needed at that moment. Her smile somehow came a little more naturally this time. 

Maria returned after a while, visibly more comfortable at being _dressed_ and in dry clothes- light pink definitely brought up another side of the woman, she seemed younger, the fabric was flowing at her every move and made her look lighter than the air; she was the closest thing on earth to an angel and Eliza found herself blushing “It suits you” the woman was startled a little with the sudden voice and knitted her eyebrows in clear doubt, looking down at her outfit “I wouldn’t say I’m meant for dresses like this, ma’am” and quickly amended a “ _Eliza_ ”

Eliza, not knowing how to put into words how absolutely beautiful Maria was, stood up on her feet and slowly reached for the woman’s hands- a habit of hers, being the touchy person she was- an action to which Maria instinctively pulled back, causing both of them to slightly jump apart. Maria looked down at Eliza’s hands, realizing she had meant no harm at all and ducked her head, flushed in shame, trying to avoid eye contact as much as she could.

_Oh._

Eliza had heard the rumors of James Reynolds being an abusive husband before all of _that_ happened, so she didn’t pay as much mind to it as she should have, and it hadn’t crossed her mind until that very minute- now she _knew_ Maria, she _saw_ how everything was a reason for her to be ashamed and regretful, how her eyes were constantly aware, alarmed of everything, how she would slightly flinch at any sudden movement and Eliza saw _red_ , she felt her blood boil and had to fiercely control herself for not to show it “Well” she started, calming herself down “ _I_ think that you look like an angel with it” she said smiling, trying to ease the other woman, softly retreating her hands from the prior position. 

Maria, still looking at her own hands mumbled “I’m afraid you are mistaken, Eliza, I’m nowhere close to an angel” to which Eliza’s heart ached to tell the woman how _wrong_ she was, but realizing the woman would probably relish on some time on her own to recompose, she chose to keep those words to herself and, instead, give her space “You are closer than you think you are” she looked at the window, the drops of rain still sounding like pebbles hitting the ground “Would you like hot cocoa, Maria? I have been craving for one all day”

The woman slowly lifted her eyes from her hands, she focused them at the window now and that made Eliza high-five herself mentally “If it won’t add you any extra work” Maria answered, her voice getting less weak at each word “Thank you very much, Eliza, you are the kindest” the host nodded softly even though Maria wasn’t looking at her and slowly made her way to the kitchen at the next room “please make yourself at home, I will be right here if you need anything” and with another thank you from her guest, Eliza started to prepare the beverage.

It would be good to have some time to think, too, she still didn’t know what does the whole encounter meant and how she felt about it- had she forgiven Maria? Was she even blaming _her_ at the first place? She still wasn’t sure of it. How would she let her go home, back to an abusive husband? How would Alexander react when he returned home from wherever he was to see his wife _and_ mistress? God, why did Maria make her react in ways she didn’t understand? A splash of warm milk met her hand and took her out of her own head, _right, the hot cocoa_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all liked it!!


	3. i don't have the means to go on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eliza and maria bond over hot cocoa, and it's all fun and fluff until maria realizes she has to go  
> (eliza's not very fond of this idea, tho)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! hope you guys like this one :))

Eliza dropped lots of small tablets of chocolate into the milk and started to mix it on the heating pot- she had always loved to see the chocolates softly dismantling itselves into the white milk, it reminded her of her childhood, when Angelica would make her and Peggy the most delicious hot cocoa in the world, it reminded her of loud giggles and warm bellies- she wondered if Maria had such a joyful childhood as she did, Eliza hoped so. She mixed the final cinnamon spoon and started to fill two big mugs with the silky hot cocoa, made with extra chocolate as an attempt to cheer Maria up.

“Here they come!” Eliza announced before entering the living room, with two full mugs in hands. The first thing she met was Maria’s eyes, she swore they shone with the sight of the chocolate, they had never been prettier and she had a small, excited smile that did (almost) literally light up the entire living room- happiness looked _good_ in Maria. She placed the blue mug on her guest’s hands, who made a small appreciative “ _oooh_ ” sound- to which Eliza couldn’t, for her life, ignore the flustering of her heart. She sat down on her couch, asking with her head if she could come closer to Maria- _also_ a current occurrence for a touchy person- who looked into her _eyes_ and softly smiled, allowing her, Eliza felt her smile even before she had it on her face.

Closer, they looked at each other for a small moment, grinning like small girls, radiating excitedness, reminding Eliza again of her childhood- she felt so much younger. Maria was the one who broke the silence, eager to finally taste the hot cocoa, she smiled and lifted her mug “At the three?” Eliza nodded happily, both women held the mugs with dear life.

“One” Eliza started, giddy as she never thought she would be at 26 years of age, even more about _hot cocoa_ , Maria grinned a little bit more as she counted, in a thin voice “Two” both of them started to _giggle_ as time crawled to the “Three!” Eliza had barely left the word from her mouth when Maria lifted the mug to her lips and took a big sip, closing her eyes and _moaning_ with its taste, making a _very_ flushed Eliza gape at the woman- it brought a question to her head; would her lips be velvety as her voice or silky as the hot cocoa? That, then, lead to the question she’d been avoiding this whole time; how would they feel like against hers?

“Liza, this is delicious” Maria spoke, startling Eliza who was, again, lost on her own mind- yet, the startle played a small part into why her heart was so accelerated, its reasons were three; 1. Well, she _was_ startled by Maria’s sudden speaking, 2. She realized she had been wondering how _Maria’s lips_ would feel like, 3. Maria had called her by a _nickname_ \- but she wouldn’t mention it back to the woman. “Haven’t you proved yours?”

“I sure will” Eliza answered earning another smile, this one a little bit bigger “I was just waiting for your reaction to it” She answered honestly, Maria seemed a little confused to why Eliza would want to see that, but she smiled nevertheless “Well, it is _spuh-len-did”_ she answered, rolling her tongue on the syllables, it brought Eliza to giggle, yeah, she liked Maria. Without much dwelling, Eliza took a sip of her hot cocoa, wondering if this is how Alexander felt when he was kissing Maria “It _is_ very good” she answered more to herself than to the other woman.

The mugs were soon found to be empty, their bellies full and their eyes slowly dropping at every two blinks “I think is time for me to return home, Liza” Maria mumbled sleepily, gently covering a yawn with her hand, the sentence was enough to wake Eliza up “But it’s still raining, darling” Maria slowly shook her head, protesting, too worried about her husband to even register Eliza’s affectionate nickname “James is probably already furious” she yawned again “and I have intruded too much of your time already”

“Fuck James” Eliza said, her voice was anger but not threatening, Maria seemed to have woken up at hearing the other woman swearing “you haven’t gotten even close to intruding, Maria, I really have enjoyed your company today” but the now-not-so-sleepy woman knitted her brows, trying to explain her urgent need to go “I _ought_ to go back home" God, she shouldn't have let herself be so confortable there.

“I can’t let you go back to his hands” Eliza reasoned, calming herself down “I’m sorry for sounding agressive before” Maria smiled softly, but was still visibly troubled, trying to undo strings on her head to know what to do, who to listen- she knew it should be to him, he was her _husband_ afterall “The more I disobey him, the more I pay for it” she stated, wishing Eliza would convince her to stay; she _wanted_ to stay, but she’d never been one to listen to her own orders “At the end of the day it’s your call to make, darling, and I won’t think less or more of you for it” Eliza smiled calmly, opening her palms up as an invitation to Maria’s, to which, this time, she happily accepted, slowly touching Eliza’s soft hands- they both felt like a lightning fell directly from the sky to their veins, but none dared to say a word of it “Um- but if you decide to stay” Eliza cautiously offered, to which Maria smiled slightly “I can have someone to deal with James tomorrow”

Maria stopped, trying to understand what would that mean- if someone did anything to her husband, she would find herself destitute- and with her recently acquired… _status_ , wouldn’t have where to go, she would be all _alone,_ more than she had already been, without James she wouldn't have nothing, she wouldn't _be_ nothing “You can’t” she spoke defeated, looking at the raven haired woman’s eyes and ashamedly confessed “He is the only one I can count on”.

Eliza scrunched her eyebrows, Maria _could_ count on her, she just had to prove it, to prove that Maria deserved _more_ than how she lived, that she was _more_ than what both of their husbands painted her to be, that she _could_ live without James and start again - suddenly her eyes lighted up, as the best idea of her life crossed her mind. She chose to make yet another split-second decision on that day, since the first one had turned so marvelously well- _God_ , if only Angelica was there to listen to what she was about to offer; Eliza could almost _see_ her sister nodding negatively as she spoke “Then stay here, Maria"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swearrrr it'll make more sense on the next chapter


	4. dying is easy, living is harder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eliza makes an offer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!  
> (finally some angst)

The pink dressed girl frowned confusedly and repeated her answer “I can’t-” Eliza interrupted her softly, grinning wildly “No, Maria, I meant why won’t you _stay_ here? As in, for a while” she breathed the whole sentence out, expectingly watching the woman’s face to catch any indication of how she felt about the offer- Maria was hard to read for the first time. “To live here?” she asked a little wary, uncertainty written all over her body gestures. 

She really trusted and adored Eliza, but she didn’t know how to live without James and feared that, soon enough, the woman would, too, realize how unworthy of all of her efforts she was.

“You don’t have to” Eliza quickly amended “I know we _just_ met and Alexander still lives here, down onhis office, so I wouldn’t impose this to you” she reasoned and, honestly, would understand if Maria didn’t want to stay there- even if she selfishly hoped so. The other woman had her brows adorably knitted again “I- Eliza, I don’t know, I have already done a hell of a mess on this house” she pleaded, more to herself than to the other woman, she _shouldn’t_ stay “Besides, I have a daughter, I can’t leave her” 

At the mention of the child Eliza’s eyebrows shot up, she had never heard about her before, and decided that this was even _more_ reason to get Maria away from James “We have plenty of room in here” she slowly pressed a bit more, Maria seemed to think about it again, fidgeting with her fingers, she asked in a small voice.

"Why would you  offer me that? ” and  _ that _ was the question Eliza had been trying to find an answer to, but now it had to be answered and she chose the  be honest and share the  only thing she knew “Because you are my friend, and I help my friends whenever they need” she explaine d as if it was as simple as that “and you deserve better than this” she echoed some of the first words Maria had said to her. 

“Are we friends?” Maria asked in disbelief, as if she knew Eliza would make fun of her for actually believing it- deep down she knew that Eliza, sweet, gracious Eliza would never do that, but she couldn’t help it.  After a silent beat Eliza reached, slowly,  for her hand again “Didn’t we  just race- drink hot cocoa together?”  Well... yes, why would Eliza even bother to do that if she hated her?

Maria couldn’t hide her toothy smile even if she tried- Eliza felt her heart tripping over itself, twirling into her stomach, releasing the most colorful butterflies throughout her whole body. She had to  quickly check if none them had escaped through  her mouth as she spoke “At least think about it, Maria. We  can bring your daughter here first thing in the morning” and, intertwining their pinkies, Eliza locked eyes with the woman, her  _ friend _ “I promise you ”

Promises didn’t mean much to Maria, having been living between  broken promises and  empty words most of her life, but, still, she was easy to trust people- hence her marriage, so it wasn’t hard to trust Eliza.

Somehow she knew the woman would follow to her words, or at least she _hoped_ enough to make it feel like the truth- anyhow it  convinced her; she had never needed much to be satisfied.

“I’ll think about it. _But_ tonight, at least, I will stay” she spoke and there was no turning back-  and, as always, not having turning back  made her feel scared, trapped. 

But Eliza’s surprised smile and high-pitched squeal was more than enough to make her realize she had made the right choice “So let’s get the beds ready” she said giggling and stood up from the couch, motioning to Maria do the same, she linked their hands and they stumbled upstairs, skipping every two steps- Maria wondered if that’s how a sleepover felt like.

-

They had been in bed for at least an hour, Eliza on her room and Maria on the guest’s one- they had sleepily bid their goodnights, sleep finally reaching them again.

Eliza made sure Maria was comfortable and that she would be just at the room by her side, if she needed anything. Unknown to each other, none of them were able to fall asleep when their heads reached the soft pillows. 

Eliza couldn’t bring herself to relax when the wind whispered against her window and the thunders screamed loud enough to make the earth shudder, she was tucked under three layers of blankets hoping they would protect her; that was her first storm without her sisters or Alexander by her side; her first storm _alone_. 

Until that _exact_ moment, while holding her own heart, soothing  herself while the sky split undone,  Eliza had never realized how alone she actually was. The sudden thought of it made a sob escape from her mouth, shaking her whole body with it.

She hadn’t cried about the pamphlet at all, convincing herself that she shouldn’t give him the satisfaction, that she was _strong enough_ for this,  that she  could  erase herself from that narrative easily enough-  but as the first tear reached the tip of her chin, Eliza was already covering her eyes with her hands.

She let the tears wash  her soul, they were hot and heavy, scratching her face and neck- she wondered if that’s how a thunderstorm felt like, if inside a human body. 

She felt so _small_ , as if she had only half of her, as if she would never be able to be _enough_ , for herself or anybody else who risked being that close to her- Her body ached, _screamed_ in a way she never thought it could so silently. 

Eliza wondered if she was broken, if there was something about her that made Alexander run to Maria, to  Angelica, to  anyone that wasn’t her- she felt disgusting.  She was utter and completely helpless, and, for the first time in so long, not on the good sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all liked it!!


	5. my god she looks so helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eliza's heartbroken and maria is there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!   
> if there are any mistakes lmk! i haven't read-proof this one

Maria Reynolds, on the other hand, had her own problems to dwell on, how would she _live_ here, in the house of the couple she had ruined? Eliza had showed her nothing but kindness, but for how long until she actually realizes her mistake? How long until she started to see the _real_ Maria- the Maria James saw? And leaving him meant losing _everything_ for her daughter, too, she couldn’t make Susan pay for her reckless decisions anymore-

Suddenly a heart-wrenching sob echoed through the hall. Maria felt her heart drop to her stomach, it was Eliza’s.

Her first instinct was to jump to her feet as fast as she could but halfway through the dorm room she stopped on her tracks; what if she needed to be alone? Probably the _last_ person she would want to see would be her, the whore, the cause of this entire problem. Maria felt sick, she shouldn’t be there, at her house, at _his_ house- she had to go home.

And she _would_ have gone, she was already at the hallway, knowing way too well how to sneak out of the house, if she hadn’t heard the small, awfully low whimper coming from Eliza’s room- she could have easily shrugged it as the wind but she somehow recognized it. Her body started moving to the woman’s door without her barely realizing, next thing she knew, her hand rested on its doorknob- so she knocked on it, lightly.

There was no response or any signal that she had been heard at all, she could still heard sniffs and sobs, her own heart breaking over its pieces again and again “Eliza?” she asked worriedly and waited for an answer, when she had received none she continued “I will enter your room, okay? If you don’t want me there make a noise”

The room, then, fell quiet, oh Eliza _was_ listening- why would she even want her there? Feeling suddenly very self-aware at being the center of attention Maria cleaned her throat “I will come in, then” and wasted no time in twisting the doorknob. The room wasn’t dark since the window was slightly open, which helped her to find Eliza- the sight of the small cocoon of blankets worried Maria even more than she already was, she quickly padded her way to the bed, kneeling on her cold wooden tables of the floor to be able to see Eliza better.

Her eyes, the most vibrant eyes Maria had ever came across were now opaque, bloodshot red, _empty_ \- they wouldn’t meet hers halfway as they had that entire afternoon, choosing, instead, to focus on something random. The rest of her beautiful, loving face was covered by her pale, now trembling hands, she whispered things to herself in a thin, fragile voice, only letting lose words to be understandable- “alone” was the one that caught Maria’s ears. Seeing Eliza, her _friend_ , that had been nothing but absolutely lively for the whole day, now so broken, so hopeless made Maria mentally kick herself for every single thing she’d done to this woman’s life.

Maria, not knowing what to do, but understanding that Eliza (to the complete contrary of what she’d thought) did _not_ want to be alone, started to talk; she didn’t know from or _to_ where she was going, but honestly, did she ever? So she begun, with the first thing that came to her mind “When I was eight my mom took me to ride horses” she introduced gently, waiting for any rejection from Eliza that never came, so she continued “we weren’t rich, so it was new to me, I chose the one I thought it was prettier- it had curly hair to match mines” and to that, Maria thought she heard a faint chuckled coming from behind Eliza’s hand, but she chose to not to pry “and I had no idea how to _actually_ ride a horse, it started to pick too much velocity and I couldn’t seem to make him slow down- so I did the only thing I’ve seen people doing on horses before” Maria made a small pause for suspense “I pulled his reins back”

“ _No”_ Eliza answered in disbelief, her voice was broken but it was the best and only thing Maria would wish to hear, a small smiled rose to her lips as she answered “ _Yes_ , but that’s not all- I ended up landing on a gigantic pile of horse shit”

Eliza tried and failed miserably to hold the small laugh that bubbled from her throat, Maria felt her heart smiling with that, if she could, that’s how she would keep Eliza on her head, _happy._ She was so busy admiring her friend’s smile and brilliant eyes that didn’t notice the movements of a soft, warm hand until it was already rested on hers- she quickly glanced at it, intrigued with how they matched beautifully, before risking a look to Eliza’s heavenly face.

As she imagined (and hoped), her eyes were met halfway through it- the ones that stared back at her, though, were tempestuous, angry, _scared_ , searching for something; they made Maria feel as undressed as she had been on that same afternoon, but she didn’t dare to look away, she waited until Eliza finished diving into the brown of her eyes, seeming to have found the answer she’d looked for. The woman blinked and quickly looked away, only to bring her eyes back to Maria’s; this time they were like a gale, immediate, needful, pleading.

She knew that look very well, she had worn it more times than not over the past years; Eliza was _asking_ her a question, and although Maria had been almost intrinsic to it, she’d never had anyone asking it _to her_. Eliza was pleading, and for the first time, not asking for her to _stay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it!


	6. he was right, you will never be satisfied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they share a bed and maria makes a decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the last chapter of the 1st part of the series! i really do hope you like it

Without thinking twice, Maria stood up only enough to sit at the edge of the bed, giving time for Eliza’s cocoon to scoot over a little to give her a bit of space to  lay down- as she did, slowly, granting Eliza enough time to reconsider it, if she wanted. 

Maria lay completely still, uncertain of how or _if_ she should approach this side of the woman, that was currently facing the opposite direction to where Maria was- she liked this way, it gave them both the privacy to think about what their minds couldn’t shake away, to do exactly what they were doing an hour early, now without the weight of loneliness, wondering how was it possible to feel less lonelier with an almost-stranger than with their own _husbands._

After a while- none of them would be able say if there had passed an hour or ten minutes- when the rain started to thin itself into a mere drizzle, a late  thunderlight rose from the sky, causing Eliza to jump and abruptly turn to Maria’s side- automatically, Eliza grabbed the  slumbered woman’s wrist to assure herself she wasreally _there_.

Maria woke up with a jump at the touch, ready to defend herself from _him,_ only to open her eyes and find _her_ , ignoring the way her heart glowed at the sight. Eliza quickly retired her hand from the woman, berating herself for touching Maria without her consent _again "_I’m so sorry” she immediately apologized, trembling all the way up to her voice “I got scared” Maria, positioned herself on her elbows, ready to be as useful as possible for her and said, with kind eyes, still waking up “It’s alright, Liza” and, with a worried face, whispered “What scared you?”

Eliza’s countenance was alert, her face a little swelled from the non-stop crying and her eyes glowing from the pale moonlight that leaked through the window. Maria quickly wondered how could someone be so hopelessly beautiful.

“I -nothing, perhaps a bad dream” Eliza answered and slowly blushed to a crimson “Could you, um"she bashfully averted Maria’s eyes, who smiled back at her in an endearing way, nodding for her to keep going- which, with a small grimace, she did “come closer? I  _ completely_ understand if you don’t feel comfortable with it, you don’t have to, since-" Maria looked at her, _enchanted_ with the question and gently cut her friend’s anxious ramble “Of course, Liza” she tenderly took Eliza’s hand, returning it to her wrist “If it helps too, you can keep it here”

“Thank you” she wore a minimum smile but Maria could clearly hear the gratitude coming from her voice, so she wasted no time in closing the gap between their bodies, which _had_ been decreasing with time, and gently lying back down, facing Eliza. She had never felt safe while being this close to anyone, it, weirdly, made a dark blue color take over her feelings and her heart shrink \- Eliza’s offer rang on her head again and she selfishly pretended she had accepted it. 

“You are very pretty” Eliza blurted out, not enviously, not as a last-minute observation, not self-depreciatingly, but as a _fact_ that she had found out at that same afternoon\- just as the sky is blue, Maria Reynolds was pretty, _gorgeous_. Said woman stared at her, confused to  many levels, waiting for her to elaborate it, to follow up with some ‘but’ or to simply laugh at her face- to which none she did, it had been just... _that._

To know that  _ Elizabeth Schuyler _ saw any pretty in her made Maria’s heart jump and her stomach twirl, wishing her unruly smile wasn’t as big as she knew it was. 

Eliza found _her_ pretty, feeling such happiness with this revelation, she choosed not to dwell on _why_ she did that, and instead, to confess the same thing to her “I have beendying to tell you the same, Liza. You are unbelievably stunning ”

Maria didn’t know why Eliza wore such a surprised look with that statement, being undoubtedly the most god-like woman she had  _ ever _ seen.

H er cheeks were painted pink and her smile h ad been unusually shy-  _that_ , maybe, could have been caused by the thought of her next statement. 

Either way, Maria would never know, because when Eliza breathed out “ Could... I try on  your lipstick?” and looked at her lips as she had never  been in more need of anything else in life, Maria's mind had gone _numb_.

She nodded slowly in expectation, wondering if Eliza would _actually _ do it, having only _now_ realizing  herself  how much she wanted it. 

When soft, warm, trembling hands touched her face, Maria almost cried with how different and right it felt, for the first time on her life, to be touched for a kiss. 

_Jesus,_ she was going to  kiss Eliza.

With a smile on her face, she pulled  the woman closer with by her hips, softly caressing it. 

With one last gaze at her eyes- now vibrant, _alive, _Maria leaned in, closing yet another gap in between them. Eliza’s lips received her with hesitance, before completely melting into hers- _there_ was the feeling of lighting into their veins again, flowing through their bodies, exploding into a million of colors, feelings and sparks.

Eliza had soft, warm, butter-made lips ; as deli cate as the petal of an orchid, Maria wondered if she had somehow managed to  find heaven while still alive. The _only_ thing she was  certain of, was that Elizabeth Schuyler was kissing her and she never wanted it to end.

Until it did, too soon, much for their dismay- so Eliza could properly _yawn_ \- which caused both of them to giggle, still too stunned about what had happened to say anything. 

Eliza, as the social butterfly of the two of them, broke the silence first, still looking into Maria’s dilated pupils “Your lips taste just as I imagined” she confessed, trying not to let her shyness surface. 

" _Ima_ _gined?"_ Maria echoed the last word with her eyes shining. Whichever doubts Eliza had at that point about how she felt about that woman disappeared- she still didn’t know how _strong _ it was, but she was as attracted to her as she had once been for Alexander, and had felt it since Maria had _stepped_ into her house in the first place

Even with her inumerous attemps of trying to deny it, it was there, as clear as a sunny day. “Yes, darling” she answered “ever since I first laid eyes on you”

Eliza had been delighted to find out that  _ yes _ ; Maria’s lips were as silky as the chocolates melting into hot milk but  _ also _ as velvety as her voice and created an almost unholy mix of feelings for anyone who dared try to kiss her. She considered herself very brave for that.

Her body was still glowing like she had just dove into the moon “Can I kiss you again?” she asked cheekily, looking at Maria from under her lashes. 

Maria smiled warmly before Eliza yawned again, earning another set of giggles and, resting her hand on her friend’s face, she fondly spoke “I believe that we can leave that for tomorrow, Liza” and, as much as Eliza wanted to protest, which was a _lot,_ with every fiber of her being, she knew Maria was right. 

Tomorrow would be a _big_ day with going at Maria's house and confronting James, plus she still had to come up with something to explain to her children and _sisters_ \- that would arrive early for breakfast- the presence of _Maria Reynolds_ on her house, wearing her clothes.

“Only if you wake me up with a good morning kiss”  Maria fondly rolled her eyes and smiled “How bossy” they chuckled, both women were feeling  _genuinely_ happy and eager to start another day after so long, they wanted to cherish that feeling for as long as they could, not really giving much thought, for the first time, about how everything would end.

“Can I get at least one for good night?” Eliza softly poked her friend’s cheek, to which Maria laughed, putting a strand of hair behind Eliza’s ear “You don't even have to ask” and pecked her with as much gentleness as only she was capable of mustering, earning a soft, happy,  satisfied hum from Eliza. 

“Good night, Liza” she whispered, retreating to her place on the bed, gazing at her as she had only gazed at the moon before “sweet dreams” and linking their hands, Eliza gave her a sleepy, happy smile “Could you hug me?” Maria swore her smile kept getting bigger every single second around that woman\- there wouldn’t have a world in which she would deny that, because, honestly, _how_ could she say no to that?

Eliza slowly turned her back to Maria, hugging their linked hands to her chest and making Maria’s heart dance all over her body again- thinking about how _this _ is what sharing a bed should feel like, happiness, _peace,_ giddiness, caring. 

-

The thing was, after yet  another hour- when the sun was already starting to wake up,  Maria  still couldn’t seem to sleep.

Eliza was the most extraordinary person she’d ever met, even _after _ knowing who she was- Maria still didn’t know what she had done to deserve _any_ part of her kindness, and even less about the _kiss-_ and that didn't sit right with her, James had made sure to convince her that wasn't the kind of thing people like _her_ deserved. 

She thanked God for Elizabeth Schuyler and hoped He would bring her the most joyful moments to her life, because she deserved it, _especially_ after everything that had happened.

After everything _she _ had done to her.

And just like that, her heart started to race again.

James was  _ right _ , she didn’t deserve happiness after what she'd done- and Eliza would soon realize that too. God, she had  _kissed_ Eliza, who would wake up immediatly regretting what they had done- what was she thinking? 

Eliza was  _vulnerable_ and Maria had seduced her just as she had done to her _husband_ after the both of them had tried to help her. 

Maria was disgusted with herself,  _ again _ , why couldn’t she do things  right? Why was she constantly ruining good things? Good _people?_

After taking a long, enamored, tear-filled look at Eliza, the absolute angel sleeping next to her, she decided to spare her from the heartbreak of waking up and realizing how she had royally fucked up last night by kissing _Maria_. 

So she, then, slowly retired her arms from Eliza’s firm grip, hovering for half a second, wondering why couldn't she stay if it felt so right to her. 

But, alas, remembering where she belonged- to  _whom_ she belonged, she shamefull y looked at herself, trying to get out of the same mattress as she had, not less than six months ago, doing the same path to the hallway, down the stairs, avoiding the sixth, third and tenth loosen tiles of the floor to now drawn any attention, to finally , the front door.

This time, thought, she didn’t feel any _free_ at seeing it. Now it looked like a broken promise she never made, but vowed to make it happen. 

She didn’t leave a letter or bid her goodbye, imagining that Eliza would like to keep her and that night hidden- but  _God_ , how she wished she had done something, _anything,_ to save that night as more than a memory.

After quickly stepping outside the house, the morning sun hit eyes so fiercely she was sure it was God punishing her for all of what she’d done- so she shamefully accepted it,  promising herself to  _ never _ step back on that house again. Praying that, one day, she would find strenghts to be enough to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason the spacement of this chapter is Shit, i think i have fixed all of the mistakes but maybe one or two were left behind (i'm sorry for them!!)
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed it and are ready for the second part!!

**Author's Note:**

> if y'all have any suggestions or opinions or like anything at all lmk!


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